Here's a short excerpt from one of my final journal entries.
"I think it would be wrong at this point to say I miss home. Missing is for when you've recently left and it draws a more sorrowing connotation. I'm actually almost ready to leave, although I know I'm really going to miss South America. I've already been making plans for when I return here. Traveling alone has been different than anything I've ever experienced, and I now realize how much I love it. Being alone, you are your exact self. There is nothing and nobody directly influencing you, aside from normal necessary interactions with everyday strangers; it tells you a lot about your persona. I feel like I understand my thoughts and feelings much better: I understand beforehand how and why I will react to certain situations and ideas - my true personality - and I've now gained a sense of acceptance for myself and the rest of the world that I've never had. There's definitely a change. I feel that I've really grown into myself - not a person that anyone expects me to be or that society shapes to an image. Instead of accepting some high deity, esoteric philosophy, existential beliefs, or complicated daily ritual, I've simply accepted myself. And although I cannot claim to be familiar with all of the former, I can say the latter feels damned good. It's a relief and I'm new and refreshed. I'm now looking at life through appreciative, blessed (for as much as that means), and opportunistic eyes."
Unfortunately, for those few dedicated readers that still check, this will likely be my last entry in South America. I'm very near the end of my trip, and arrangements have been made (not without hassle) for my return to the states. If you didn't catch every blog, there's a drop-down list of links on the right side of the page to view old entries.
I appreciate all the support and encouragement from those around the world, and I'll be glad to show pictures and share stories with anyone interested (I've got plenty to go around) over a cup of coffee or a beer. I've had suggestions for a book, and some have seen the movie Into The Wild, but I'm not quite that brave or valiant yet, for now this public blog suited my needs. I'll definitely consider a future trip in my life alone, and a book would necessitate a much longer one.. don't hold your breath.
Again, for all my friends, family, and new travelers I've met along the way: You made this trip, not I. Thank you, adios, ciao, hasta luego, paz, y amor.
Until the next escape,
Brian Sumwalt
45 comments:
funny how we learn more about ourselves when we realize that we knew nothing at all to begin with
& thank youuu brian for sharing
While you say it more articulately than I have done, my feelings about myself and my place in the world were much the same from my journey alone in the Himalayas. I agree with valerie's statement...the most important things we learn about ourselves are often what we discover by accident. You and I are more alike than you know, or may ever admit. As your life ascends and mine descends, I will look forward to sharing the continuing saga of your explorations. Somewhere in that equation is a juxtapositon we will both recognize when we get there!
I love you, anxiously waiting to welcome you home, son.
xoxo, Mom
That's beautiful. You know, I was just sitting today, ostensibly listening to Gorbachev speaking about international problems (which weren't news to anyone, but the dude is 76 years old, you have to cut him slack, especially since he seems like a genuine idealist, in spite of being the new face of Louis Vuitton). My mind was drifting to rather disconcerting thoughts about how I feel like I have lost myself once again (I keep doing that) in trying to relate to other people (to whom I cannot relate anyway). So you words about gaining knowledge of yourself through traveling alone hit the spot. In the end, we are all traveling alone, figuratively, but it is brave to step away from all of the comforts that allow us to deny our existence as totally separate worlds. I admire how you have embraced this.
Sign me up for coffee.
Have a pleasant trip back.
Olga
Brian, make it home soon guy, we miss you.
Mateo
youre a trooper and i love you!
Brian,
I REALLY hate meeting travelers like you!
What sort of guy are you?! If I had only taken a second look at those 100 solls you solled me for 30 US I would have seen it was a fake. And you fucking knew!! Why else kick me off your facebook the second I ask my money on a normal way back.
I guess I can say bye bye to my money now?! I hid rockbottom on my account today and really needed those 100 solls, starting my emergency money wich I never wanted to lay my fingers on.
Thanx for that, you have been a realy nice guy to meet :(
For everyone else who meets this guy: he talks the talk but for the rest... You have a lot more to learn my friend. Beeing all nice to me for a couple of days, me doing you a favour (because why not, we are all backpackers)
This is for your mates to read how I first tried to handle this before you kicked me off facebook (your really handeling this like a man):
------------------------------
Heej Brian, what´s up?!
Your not going to believe this one:
I tried to use your 100 sols today, it turned out to be a counterfit. :(
The fact that my dollars were worth twice as much on the black market in Venezuela and that I didn´t have more dollars didn´t botter me so much but it really pissed me off that those 100 solls where not reall.
I did you a favour so this is how you can return that favour:
You wire me the 30 dollars and I´ll send you the fake solls by letter as a momentum. (I´ll take the costs of the sending)
My bankaccount number is:
xxxxxxxxx
On the name of:
A.C. Lozeman
The bank is named:
Rabobank
Located in:
Nijkerk, The Netherlands
Hope you proces this message soon and let me know!
Greetz Kees
------------------------------
Ps: if your half of a man you won't delete this message.
pps: Nice website "Exploration of Culture, Self, and Meaning"...
Read the message of 'December 14, 2007 1:57 PM' and REALLY ask yourself those questions!
(not just talk the talk my friend)
Life on the road is tough, especially when you travel alone. At certain points you are reminded to look out for #1: Yourself.
An inconvenience at an ATM left me with a fake bill that I couldn't pass. In preparation to exchange it in another country, an unsuspecting fellow traveler offered to trade currencies for it. I saw an opportunity and took it.
A month later he messages me and wants me to go out of my way to deposit the equal amount in his bank account? Sorry, buddy, I had a tough time getting rid of it, but you've now got the same responsibility I had - look before you put it in your wallet, and if not, learn your lesson the hard way and get rid of it yourself.
Corruption is never fair.
-Brian
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how dude i dont know even how to tell you how much we're on the same page..after being in afghanistan where i only answered to two superiors and spent a lot of time just sitting in the desert i really thought about myself and who it is that i am..i came to conclusions that ppl say will change with time and i say no bc it is me..coming back to the states where i answer to countless bosses wo include my gf i have lost myself and not for the best ...traveling by yourself really is the best thing in the world and im glad to see im not the only one who thinks that way
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